So What About Joel Osteen?

What we’ve seen while Hurricane Harvey has deluged Southeast Texas and Southwest Louisiana over the past several days, turning the Corpus Christi and Houston areas into disaster zones where the human spirit has been locked in a death struggle with Mother Nature. 

Drop 50 inches of rain in five days over Washington, New York, Baltimore, Philadelphia, Chicago, Los Angeles, San Francisco, Boston or any other blue-state utopia, and you’ll find out that none of them were built to withstand a storm like Harvey, either.

Houston is full of middle-class people who like the fact they can buy a big house cheaper and get a well-paying job more easily and with less credentialism than practically anywhere else in the country, and the local culture embraces football, country music, pro wrestling and all kinds of other things. 

Is Houston a “designer” city? Of course not. Houston is what happens when you build a city around an economy. It’s an endless expanse of flat coastal plain which has been developed according to the profit motive and the population seeking the American dream. And yes, it’s in a hurricane zone. And yes, it doesn’t drain well, meaning now it’s probably time to come up with additional solutions to move rainwater out of the city – but 20 trillion gallons of water is going to swamp any city on earth it drops on, no matter how well our socialist masterminds engineer that city.

And there is Joel Osteen.

Most people don't have any particular affinity for Osteen and his “prosperity gospel” teachings. They don’t look much like Christianity to us – the idea that God is some sort of paymaster who’ll provide earthly rewards to Christian believers is a distinctly heretical one; Jesus said his kingdom is not of this world, and to preach otherwise is a bastardization of the faith. 

This is the essence of the Prosperity Gospel preached by Osteen and his ilk. It’s insidious and heretical, but crowd pleasing. A Gospel that tells us to embrace suffering and poverty will not pack a 17,000 seat arena. It won’t sell books. It cannot be monetized. It won’t buy you mansions and private planes. It won’t make you famous. People don’t want to hear it. They want to hear something else. They want to hear that fortune and luxury are just around the corner — God wants us to have these things, as Osteen constantly insists — and all we need to do is be a little more positive and probably buy one or two more Joel Osteen books.

This is the Gospel of the World. The Gospel of Osteen. A Gospel specifically tailored to challenge no one, offend no one, and make everyone happy. And it fails miserably on every count.

Consider this: after Osteen has spent his televangelist career tickling ears and professing this watered down, materialist, luxurious faith, still the world hates him. It really hates him. Most people are fascinated by the passion and virulence of the hatred, coming as it is from people who don’t accept the Gospel Osteen has bastardized and don’t care about the heresy he professes. Osteen has tried very hard not to be hated by these people, but they end up hating him even more than they hate Christians who actually believe in the Bible. That is the great and tragic irony. Osteen has perverted the Gospel in order to befriend and impress the very people who now slander him. He has given the world what it wants: empty hope, vague optimism, a religion stripped of all that is difficult and painful, yet they still throw their stones.

If you preach the true Gospel, the world will label you a neanderthal and a bigot. But if you come up with a new Gospel in the hopes of avoiding these insults, you will be labeled a fraud and a hypocrite. The only difference is that the insults in your case will be true and well deserved. Out of your fear of false attacks, you have opened yourself up to accurate ones. And even the unfair attacks will still be largely your own fault. They are the fruits of your lies and your heresy. You will be like a wolf in sheep’s clothing who gets devoured by other wolves.

The recent Osteen controversy, which is based on a highly dubious proposition – namely, that Osteen refused to make his Lakewood Church in downtown Houston, which is a renovated 17,000-seat basketball arena where the NBA’s Houston Rockets used to play, a hurricane shelter. Church services were canceled over the weekend and by Monday the internet was boiling over with accusations that Osteen had decided to not help his fellow man.

Given the corporate nature of his ministry, this kind of damage to the Osteen brand would have to be significant. But was any of it fair? After all, Lakewood Church released photos of flooding in the lower floors of the building in years past. Osteen denied there was ever a plan to turn people away from the church and showed pictures of it being made ready, with air mattresses laid out in hallways, as a shelter for refugees after the storm.

But here’s what’s important about the trashing of Joel Osteen – he’s not being butchered by late-night comedians, pundits and internet smartasses because of the heretical nature of the prosperity gospel he preaches. None of those people even know that Osteen’s ministry is any different from the standard evangelical Christian fare. They hate all of it, and they think any evangelical Christian minister is just like Osteen, and they’re going to hold him to a standard they’re going to impose on everyone else in his profession.

It isn’t that Joel Osteen’s brand of Christianity is deserving of criticism. It is. The entire premise behind it, namely that Osteen is doing little or nothing much to help his fellow Houstonians.

WHO BUILT ANCIENT EGYPT’S GREAT PYRAMID? HIDDEN TEXT HOLDS CLUES TO THOUSAND-YEAR-OLD MYSTERY

Archaeologists believe they have found the key to unlocking a mystery almost as old as the Great Pyramid itself: Who built the structure and how were they able to transport two-ton blocks of stone to the ancient wonder more than 4,500 years ago?

Over the years, researchers posited a number of competing theories as to how the pharaohs engineered the monumental structure, which remained the tallest on earth well into the middle ages.

Experts had long established that the stones from the pyramid’s chambers were transported from as far away as Luxor, more than 500 miles to the south of Giza, the location of the Great Pyramid, but had never agreed how they got there.  

However, the diary of an overseer, uncovered in the seaport of Wadi al-Jafr, appears to answer the age-old question, showing the ancient Egyptians harnessed the power of the Nile to transport the giant blocks of stone.

The three large pyramids of Menkaure (L), Khafre (C) and Khufu loom over the horizon November 13, 2004 at Giza, just outside Cairo, Egypt. The three large pyramids at Giza, built by King Khufu over a 30-year period around 2,550 B.C., are among Egypt's biggest tourist attractions.

According to a new British documentary Egypt’s Great Pyramid: The New Evidence, which aired on the U.K.'s Channel 4 on Sunday, the Great Pyramid, also known as the Pyramid of Khufu, was built using an intricate system of waterways which allowed thousands of workers to pull the massive stones, floated on boats, into place with ropes.

Along with the papyrus diary of the overseer, known as Merer, the archaeologists uncovered a ceremonial boat and a system of waterworks. The ancient text described how Merer’s team dug huge canals to channel the water of the Nile to the pyramid.

Archaeologist Mark Lehner, who has devoted his career to uncovering who built the pyramids, explained how his team had uncovered a waterway hidden beneath the Giza plateau. It is believed that the stones which went into the pyramid were delivered to this area.

The experts also made new discoveries about boat building in the bronze age civilization. By restoring the wooden planks from the ceremonial boat and then scanning them with a 3D laser, they archeologists could discern how they were first assembled.

A separate team of archaeologists is currently working to make an internal map of the Great Pyramid at Giza using laser technology. The group, from the ScanPyramids project, has announced the discovery of a series of voids in the pyramid which they believe may be hidden rooms.

The Untold Truth Of Area 51

Area 51 is most commonly thought of as the place where the government keeps UFOs and alien secrets, but no one outside the highest levels of government knows the truths that hide in the top secret base. Only one document has been declassified for public knowledge concerning Area 51, and it doesn't tell us much. What lurks there? What are the rules? 

It Exists...Finally

People have known about Area 51 for decades, but only in 2013 did the government officially own up to the base's existence. This top secret development center, responsible for some of the biggest aircraft advancements in history, was created sometime in the early 1950s but wasn't officially confirmed until four years ago.

The time delay between the creation of Area 51 and the public acknowledgement of it is so huge that they've just got to be hiding a bunch of stuff from us. The report that the CIA declassified and released only discusses two models of aircraft perfected by the scientists and engineers at the facility. Most of the report is spent discussing the Soviet threat during the time of the Cold War and other international reconnaissance missions dating back to the '60s. So, naturally, the question on everyone's mind is: what happened since then?


No Talking At The Water Cooler

Most companies depend on the interconnectivity of their employees and departments. People in the office talk because they're humans, and that's what humans do. But that's not what Area 51 is interested in. Area 51 is so secretive that people who work in different departments of the base aren't allowed to talk to each other. Discussions about missions or projects outside of your direct coworkers is strictly prohibited.

Each job within Area 51 requires a certain level of government clearance, and those cleared for one part of a project will know nothing other than their own work. According to a National Geographic documentary on Area 51, pilots weren't even allowed to know details about their own missions. One man, Thorton TD Barnes, who used to work at the base as a radar specialist, was able to tell Nat Geo just how intricate of a process keeping secrets from the workers was. "They had pseudo-names entirely," he says of the A-12 pilots. "They did not use their real names. The CIA got the names off gravestones in Europe."


You'll Never Know The Truth

Just as multiple code names are applied to any given project at Area 51 for ultimate secrecy, the base itself has had many names throughout its history. One alternative name for Area 51 is "DREAMLAND." Although the name may evoke thoughts of Disneyland, its source is quite different. Revered gothic poet and short story writer Edgar Allan Poe was the inspiration for "DREAMLAND." Not that he would ever know, of course.

It references a poem by Poe of the same name. The lines in the poem that made the name "DREAMLAND" suitable for Area 51 are the following: "But the traveler, traveling through it, / May not—dare not openly view it; / Never its mysteries are exposed / To the weak human eye unclosed." Though Poe's poem ultimately describes some sort of imaginative afterlife, these words about mystery and classified information describe Area 51 perfectly.


Veritaserum Is Real

Okay, maybe it's not called "Veritaserum" like in the Harry Potter series, but truth serum does exist—and the CIA uses it. The twist? They use it on their own employees.

An article published in the LA Times back in 2009 found this out and more when five former Area 51 workers shared some of their stories. Colonel Hugh Slater, Edward Lovick, Kenneth Collins, Thornton "T.D." Barnes, and Harry Martin were the five (now elderly) men who provided the public with some insight to the confidential government facility and its operations. The one who revealed being made to take truth serum was Mr. Collins.

Mr. Collins was an experimental test pilot working for the CIA in 1963 when one of the planes crashed. According to him, three men in a pickup truck came to his aid with a piece of the plane in the back of the vehicle. "They offered to take me to my plane," Collins remembers. "I told them not to go near the aircraft. I said it had a nuclear weapon onboard." This made-up story worked and prevented a further security breach. The government then disguised the wreck as that of a generic plane and not the top-secret "OXCART" plane.

The tale doesn't end there, though. Collins was forced to take truth serum to see if there was anything else he might've forgotten about the crash. "The sodium pentothal experience went without a hitch," he explains. However, when he was dumped on his couch, all loopy and drugged-out by guys from the CIA, his wife was taken aback. "They handed Jane the car keys and left without saying a word," he recalls. For all she knew, he had just gotten too drunk to drive at a local bar.


The Only Planes Revealed

This is a digital copy of the document that the CIA released concerning declassified info on Area 51, its founding, its projects, and its purposes. While the document is relatively extensive, it ultimately doesn't say all that much. The only technology that is discussed is associated with air reconnaissance, most notably the U-2 plane and the A-12 ("OXCART") plane. Other minutia, such as political handling of the government facility and the historical context of the time (i.e., The Cold War) are mentioned, but altogether, the document is pretty uninteresting and details much of what the public already knows by now.

So is this really it? Is the big mystery of Area 51 really not much of a mystery at all?

Maybe, but maybe there's also a hell of a lot going on there besides testing a few planes. Keep in mind, this document was written in 1992 and wasn't released until 2013, and it mainly details events of the 1950s and '60s. By the time we are allowed to know about other small pieces of confidential information, we may all be in nursing homes. But in our modern and rapidly developing technological age, there has to be some interesting stuff in the depths of Area 51 other than a couple of fast planes. The CIA will just probably keep releasing the boring information instead.


The Area 51 President

President Dwight D. Eisenhower was the first president to be involved with Area 51. Ultimately, he decided which faction of the government would oversee and control Area 51. The CIA and the military duked it out for a while. The military thought that anything that involved war machines fell under their jurisdiction, but the CIA thought they were better suited to handle the intellectual complexities of running the facility. A few members of the CIA sat down with President Eisenhower one day, and after much debate, he agreed Area 51 should be maintained by the CIA.

This may not seem like a big deal, but it means a lot more than you'd think. The president decided that Area 51 was a center geared more toward intelligence, scientific and technological development, and experimental research, rather than defense. While the US Air Force does provide assistance to the CIA at Area 51, they don't have authority. They are given orders.


Behind Bars

Not only can regular civilians be arrested and detained for getting to near Area 51, but so can anyone in the military who doesn't have the clearance to be there. For example, if a military pilot knowingly flies his craft into Area 51 airspace, he can "face a court martial, dishonorable discharge and time in prison as a result." This little fact sheds some light about just how restricted access to Area 51 is, even within the military community. Some people who work at Area 51 don't even have the clearance necessary to know information from various other departments of the facility.

However, we don't know if or what the punishment would be for a CIA agent who crossed into the territory uninvited. That's the CIA's business.


The Government Addresses UFOs

The document the CIA released under the Freedom of Information Act about Area 51 does talk about UFOs. There is a section in Chapter 2 entitled "U-2s, UFOs and Operation BLUE BOOK."

Operation BLUE BOOK was an attempt to rationalize all reported UFO sightings in the United States by comparing them against flight logs from US aircraft, especially coming out of Area 51. As a result of BLUE BOOK, the CIA was able to figure out the true causes (though not revealed to the masses) of "the majority of the UFO reports."

Anyone else find the usage of the word "majority" to be a bit strange? Sure, they solved most of the UFO report cases, but not all of them. And these were UFO sightings that were reported in the '50s and '60s, by the way. So if all of those cases weren't solved, just imagine how many UFO reports have not been explained by the government up through the 21st century. What do we make of those "minority" cases that the CIA can't explain?


You Can Find Area 51 All On Your Own

Despite Area 51 being famous for its mysteries, you can go right to it. Well, you'd probably be shot, but you'd at least have no trouble locating the place.

The exact coordinates and even government maps of the zone have been released to the public. Above is a basic government map showing the area in Nevada that Area 51 occupies. Other maps like this one show a more detailed image of the structures that make up the facility. If you want to see what an aerial view of Area 51 looks like from the comfort (and safety) of your own home, simply search "Groom Lake" in Google Earth. Groom Lake and Area 51 are right next to each other. If you zoom in, you will see aircraft runways and landing pads. Some believe, though, that much of Area 51 lies beneath the surface of the Earth for maximum secrecy. So, it looks like there'll always remain a few untold truths.


Work Hazards

For a regular company, even one work-related death could be enough to bury their enterprise. For Area 51 and the CIA, however, death is just a hazard of the job.

The U-2 plane, one of the only subjects about Area 51 that the CIA has revealed, has a pretty morbid footnote. The government fully admits that several workers lost their lives while experimenting with the aircraft. A total of 18 workers (that the CIA owns up to, at least) died trying to perfect the craft. Four expert pilots died while trying to fly the plane in test runs, while the remaining 14 involved in the project died on their way to Area 51 while flying during bad weather.

Now, these people died while working on just one secret government project. One wonders, how many other people have died working on other Area 51 efforts? How many other people have died CIA-related deaths? Now that would be a statistic we'd love to get our hands on.